You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
Randomize
