So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
Randomize
