You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
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