therell be strippers and coke right?
no strippers. just coke.
i hate this fuckin recession
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
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