i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
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