I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
Randomize
