He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
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