Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
Randomize
