Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
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