Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
Everything about him screamed your future.
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
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