gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Randomize
