i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
Randomize
