made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
Randomize
