ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Randomize
