We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
My vagina is very pro this idea
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
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