What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
Randomize
