i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
Btw I puked in your glovebox
Randomize
