Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
Randomize
