I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Randomize