where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
