I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
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