so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
Randomize
