Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
Randomize
