I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
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