He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
Randomize
