had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
sex in a hospital.. check
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
Randomize
