I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
If its not for food we ain't going out.
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
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