ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
Randomize
