My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
being pregnant is like rehab
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
Randomize
