my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
Randomize
