Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
