oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
Randomize
