I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
Randomize
