Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
Randomize
