arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Randomize
