Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
After tacos, we're chasing women.
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
Randomize
