How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
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