What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
Randomize
