Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
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