I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
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