Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
Operation Purity has been aborted
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
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