We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
should my penis look like a turkey
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
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