My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
We are all done wearing pants today
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
Randomize
