saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
Randomize
