great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
