there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Randomize
