literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
Randomize
