i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
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