I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
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