i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
Randomize
