My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Randomize
