I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
Randomize
