Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
Randomize
