Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
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