I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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