so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
Randomize
