Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
