it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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