I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
Randomize