Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
Randomize
