how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
you traded sex for a burrito?
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
Randomize
