Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
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