i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
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