I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
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