if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
Randomize
